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How I Recover the Day After I Lose My Shit...

Updated: Dec 14, 2018

Yesterday was for the birds. We woke up late. Saylor’s pants had a hole in them, and I didn’t realize it until we were walking out the door. Off came the boots and gloves, but not without protest from my frustrated six year old. “Who cares?” I heard her mutter under her breath as she marched upstairs to change. I could have followed her, and asked her to repeat what she said to my face, but at 7:30 am I was already short on energy. Instead I ignored her comment. By this time we were cutting it close to make the bus. I ushered the kids, and the dog, into the truck. The truck didn’t start. We missed the bus, and I was officially pissed off.

Thankfully Jake and I have a great village. Saylor was only half an hour late for school. I had nowhere to be yesterday, so the truck was no emergency, but for some reason I felt like I should spend my time, and valuable energy, playing mechanic. I spent too much time online looking up dashboard codes, and YouTube videos. I sent my husband a lovely text message telling him to stop neglecting his truck. I think it went something like, “We pay too damn much for that thing to not start”, or something along those lines. Looking back, I’m a tad embarrassed because its not like he woke up at three in the morning and messed with the truck just to ruin my morning. He loves his truck. But you know, those pregnancy hormones can make things a little foggy once the anger kicks in. I may have posted a passive aggressive meme on his Facebook wall:

Needless to say when he went to break and saw the sweet text message and meme combination he wasn’t eager to call home. I don’t blame him. We have been together long enough for him to know what was coming. He called anyways, God Bless him. The call went exactly as one would expect it to. He went back to work frustrated, and I hung up angrier than before. At this point I knew I was being unreasonable, but I was too far in to back out now. I sent a few more text messages with possible solutions to the truck issue, lined with sarcasm , and I knew he wouldn’t respond, but that didn’t stop me. Then unexpectedly I received a crying rainbow raccoon GIF (and nothing else) from Jake (after the too many ‘Whoah is me’ texts I sent). Immediately my blood boiled. I mean, did he have a death wish? Was he mocking his pregnant wife? Surely he wasn’t that dumb.

By the time his next break came around I was furious. When he called I slid the green phone across the screen with so much force my finger stuck to the glass. Not trying to hide my frustration I hissed, “Do you think you’re fucking funny? I don’t even know what that stupid raccoon means, but I can assure you making fun of your pregnant wife isn’t going to help.” Jake couldn’t contain himself either. Laughing through his breath he chimed, “Casey, do you really think I know how to send a GIF on my phone? That sent from my pocket. Come on, now. “ He was right. I’ve never seen that man send a GIF in my life. The only emoji’s he uses is the taco and tongue. His laughter, and the damn raccoon, were the white flag this argument needed, I couldn’t help but also laugh. With relief in his voice he explained, “The truck is under warranty. I’ll take a look at it when I get home, and if need be I’ll have it towed to the garage. It’s not the end of the world, and we are lucky you guys were home when it decided to act up”. Shit. He was right again. I knew it was time for me to apologize, so I did, and gracefully he accepted. He went back to work in a much better mood, and I hung up grateful for his humor, and forgiving nature.

At this point it was one in the afternoon. I had wasted my entire morning being angry about something that was completely out of my control. I was determined to turn my day around. We just had lunch, so there were dishes to be done, and a floor to be swept, but I left the mess. Instead, I got out my yoga mat, and took a fifteen minute sit and think. Granted, there was a one year old and a three year old climbing all over me during this time, but I embraced it. I stretched and took deep breaths while they did their best to mimic my moves. Have you ever watched toddlers do yoga? If you haven’t I highly recommend it. Their energy is great for morale.

After our yoga session it was nap time for the littles. Usually I do housework during this time, but again I decided to skip it, and do something for myself. While the babes slept I painted my toes in silence. As I took of the old nail polish I realized my toes were still painted red from the last time I did them... in August. It is amazing how much a tiny bit of nail polish can do for a woman’s soul. I was already forgetting about the truck, and my shitty morning.

For the rest of the afternoon I took it slow. A load of laundry here, fifteen pages of my book there, and some water painting with the boys. There was plenty of stuff I should have been doing, but I have learned to accept my limits, and I was done. I was running on fumes after being sick all day (yay pregnancy) and the emotional shit storm I caused by overreacting to the truck malfunction.

As a stay at home mom I can’t just take some alone time. It does not work like that. Regardless of how I feel the kids in my home still need to be put first, but I can put them first without putting myself last, and that is exactly what I did. After the yoga, my fresh nails, quality time with Hendrix, and 50 pages of my book I was feeling a lot better. I didn’t even think about the truck again until Jake walked through the door.

I hugged him, buried my face into his chest, and silently apologized again. He squeezed me as a sign of acceptance. Then Jake went outside and took a look at the damn Dodge. As he moved my car close to his, and hooked up the jumper cables I opened the door and shouted, “ I tried to jump the battery Jake, it is not that!”. He ignored me and continued what he was doing. I went back inside and texted my friend, “Jake is outside trying to jumpstart the truck” followed by an eye roll emoji. We exchanged a few silly men jokes, and as I was typing something else sarcastic when I heard the truck turn over. I looked out the window in disbelief to see my husband sittting in his truck with the biggest shit eating grin on his face. He didn’t even have to say “I told you so”. It was written all over his face.


Jake came inside and we both laughed until our stomachs hurt. He saw me scrolling on Pinterest and asked what I was doing... I sheepishly responded, “I’m looking for a good apology meme to post on your wall, but I can’t find any funny ones.” . “ You will, keep looking” he boomed With laughter in his voice. Luckily my husband does not hold a grudge, because if the tables were turned, I’m not sure I could have refrained from teasing him about the obvious operator error.

I was supposed to make a chicken casserole for dinner. Instead, we ordered pizza. The dishes stayed in my sink until this morning. We had an hour with the kids before bed time, and we spent the entirety of that time reading Christmas stories, and listening to our first grader read aloud. That hour of calm with the people I love most was just the finish I needed to my hectic day.

There is not enough time in the day to finish the to-do list, and take care of myself. I’m sure most mothers can relate when I say it’s usually our personal needs that take a back burner. I know damn well I’m stressed, but I’ll keep tackling that to do list anyways, and thats my mistake. The to-do list is never done. That is just a fact of parenthood. My overreaction was probably because my personal needs have been on the back burner for too long (that, and hormones). Once I was able to laugh at myself, let go of what I couldnt control, and after a little bit of self pampering, I was able to recover my crappy morning. In fact, by the time I went to bed I had completely forgotten about the stress earlier that day.

Now, my husband has a funny story to tell the kiddos, “I remember that time your mom almost bit my head off because she couldn’t start the truck”... I can hear it now. We also have a new unintentional white flag for our arguments (IF either of us can figure out how to send a GIF). Next time there is a disagreement between us I’m sending him a rainbow crying raccoon.

I could have harbored my frustration and let it ruin my entire day. I’ve done that more times than I can count in the past, but instead I chose to work through it. I recovered my day, and our evening together, by putting the to-do list on hold, cutting myself a break, taking a minute to breathe, and putting things into perspective.

I’ve always had a hot temper. It’s about damn time I take control of it. If this same situation occurred two years ago I can promise the day would have gone differently, so cheers to personal growth, y’all!

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